Hero
by Spastic Bookworm
Summary: Charlie never understood how someone could do that. But now he does. Through The Looking Glass introspective-type piece. Rating for, you know, what happens. And for tiny implied mostly one-sided Des/Char slash.


Major spoilers for Through The Looking Glass (But I'm pretty sure you've all seen that by now...) Also for Hero in Season 1 Angel insofar as Charlie thinks about it.

Sort of implied Desmond/Charlie slash. But only if you want to see it. I can't seem to write true gen or het Lost, it seems.

I don't own anything. Lost belongs to Mistah Abrams and ABC, Angel to Joss Whedon and the WB/CW, Yellow Submarine to The Beatles, Alldays to whom ever owns that chain of stores...and I think that's it. So enjoy!

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**Hero**

Charlie thought watching a vampire detective just after a hit was something every addict had to experience, no matter what your drug of choice.

It wasn't full of whirling colours dancing around his screen like Yellow Submarine or like the flecks in the linoleum in Alldays that moved and twisted and scurried to get away before his foot set down…

It was dramatic, sometimes creepy and just added to the rush; made the show feel real and that he was with the characters… Like a vampire really was out there, helping the hopeless.

Made him want to go to Los Angeles, just to meet the bloke and maybe write a song about him.

He'd sit on his sofa and watch Angel until Liam came back from God knows where, then together they'd do God knows what; but for an hour or three or more he'd watch the VHS he'd recorded the show on and lose himself in it.

Mostly he flowed out of himself, followed Angel as he kicked ass, sat with Cordy as she did her nails or avoided the phone. He was as much them while the high was still at it's peak as he was himself.

But then that one episode where Doyle had to play hero and Charlie just couldn't get it. Earlier in his life he might have. May have understood how someone could sacrifice themselves for the greater good. But now he was an up and coming bloody rock star, wasn't he? And so Doyle was an complete idiot.

He'd sit through that episode if only for the fact that the Scourge's light danced and sparkled and looked Ethereal.

He'd scoff disdainfully and shake his head but still he'd watch because the next episode would be better: Charlie liked the way Wesley looked in the leather pants.

It was like that every time he'd watch it- and since he'd only ever watched the first series that happened once every few weeks.

But now Charlie knows better.

If he wants his friends to live, he has to die.

If he wants Claire and Aaron to leave that bloody island and have a chance at a decent life, he has to die.

…If he wants Desmond to have his Penny back, he has to die.

And Charlie wants all those things, even if one or two of them hurt; so much so that he doesn't care that it means he'll be dead.

So he closes the door.

Maybe he could have lived if he'd ran instead. Taken a deep breath and pulled Desmond back to hole in the floor. Tried to out run the water then swim to the surface.

But what then? Another flash, another death? Get rescued? Could he have given Claire and Aaron a secure life? Probably not. He couldn't even get himself one half the time.

And Desmond, well, he'd have the love of his life back. There wouldn't be room for Charlie anymore.

Or maybe trying to out run the water would have just killed them both.

Maybe, maybe…

He'll never know. He's not the one with the flashes.

But it's to late, anyway.

'_You never know until you're tested. I get that now.'_

Charlie does get it then. Wonders how he could ever not. The choice was so easy: Die so his friends can live.

As he holds his hand against the window, he only wishes he could part with a kiss, and not a hastily scrawled message that doesn't come close to the cool last words he wanted to have said.

But these words are more important and that's what matters now.

Then Desmond's hand comes up and caresses his through the glass, looking like he's about to cry.

And Charlie thinks, that's a pretty good farewell, too.

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Reviews are love


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